November 07, 2006

You, too, can complain like a pro

My complaint about Mr. Johnny Whatsisname, Sr.

I realize that everyone is entitled to his opinion, and I respect this. I also hope that you will all respect mine as you read this letter. But before I continue, allow me to explain that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that not only does Mr. Johnny Whatsisname, Sr. expand, augment, and intensify the size and intrusiveness of his claque, but he then commands his apparatchiks, "Go, and do thou likewise." Doesn't he ever get tired of calling everyone an ornery heretic? Mr. Whatsisname is right about one thing, namely that fear is what motivates us. Fear of what it means when the most inconsiderate four-flushers you'll ever see herald the death of intelligent discourse on college campuses. Fear of what it says about our society when we teach our children that Mr. Whatsisname's opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality. And fear of overbearing scroungers like Mr. Whatsisname who take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift. He recently went through a pessimism phase in which he tried repeatedly to dissolve the bonds that join individuals to their natural communities. In fact, I'm not convinced that this phase of his has entirely passed. My evidence is that Mr. Whatsisname will do everything in his power to wage an odd sort of warfare upon a largely unprepared and unrecognizing public. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; Mr. Whatsisname plans to acquire power and use it to indoctrinate the most nasty crybabies I've ever seen. The result will be an amalgam of mindless prætorianism and profligate statism, if such a monster can be imagined. In closing, all that I ask is that you join me to stop Mr. Johnny Whatsisname, Sr. and tackle the multinational death machine that he is currently constructing.

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